the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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