did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
