Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
