Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
