i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
