yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
