If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
