I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
