His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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