In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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