Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
