Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
