I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is wine microwaveable?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
