but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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