So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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