I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
