Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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