Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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