3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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