you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So much rum. So many feels.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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