Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
