S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
