mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I touched a dick in church today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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