Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
