I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
