Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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