haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
