hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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