I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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