He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
