she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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