Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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