i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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