i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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