So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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