Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better

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(818): View more from California

Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

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(708): View more from Illinois

sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful

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(778): View more from British Columbia

It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan

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(305): View more from Florida

So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates

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(205): View more from Alabama

And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.

(251): View more from Alabama

Isn't that our default mode?

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(916): View more from California

She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...

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