he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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