Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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