You made me cry and you don't even care
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
