He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
