i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
