I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
