I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
false alarm, still single
Randomize
