How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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