she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
