I'm so fucking centered right now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
