respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize