I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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