I think my vagina is haunted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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