I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
