I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
