So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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