he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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