Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
