Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
