My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize