so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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