i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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