The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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