My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just pee around me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
