I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
