If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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