Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
