a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
