dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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