and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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