why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
should my penis look like a turkey
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
