the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
