You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
