pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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