dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
